Why Attachment Styles Matter To Your Life
All people, and all relationships, need both intimacy and autonomy, closeness and separateness. But as time goes on, or when under stress, lesbian couples often get stuck in push-pull dynamics around these needs.
This is a big part of why people say "love hurts."
Can you relate to any of these ways attachment differences show up?
"My GF seems to be avoiding sex with me. She'd rather play video games or watch TV or be on social media. I miss connecting with her."
"It used to be so easy between us, but these days everything I do seems to trigger my GF, and she wants to 'process' all the time. I don't know how to be there for her in the ways she seems to need. I feel exhausted and drained."
"I'm tired of fighting to try to get my needs met. It seems like everything else in my GF's life is higher priority than I am. She acts like I'm too clingy, but it's normal to want to spend time with your partner."
"No matter how much I give and do for my GF, it seems like nothing is ever enough. I tend to be a people pleaser, but when I set a healthy boundary, my GF gets hurt and mad. I don't know what to do."
"I hate going to bed angry or upset. I always want to talk through everything, and that's healthy, isn't it? But I see this glazed look come over my GF's face and she just clams up."
"I love my GF, but it seems like no matter what I do, she doesn't believe me. These days she's jealous of everyone and everything in my life -- even my dog!"
"Something my GF said keeps reverberating in my head over and over. It seems like a little thing to her, but every time I think of it, I can't stop crying. She wants me to just get over it, but I can't."
"If only my GF would just back off a little, I could feel close to her again. But it seems like she's always pushing for more: more of my time, more affection, more everything. It's overwhelming."
Who is right in these scenarios? Both women are -- but they've gotten polarized into "pursuer" and "withdrawer" (also known as anxious vs. avoidant attachment.)
Many of us also have complex attachment styles, in which we go back and forth between needing more closeness and needing more space. This can be confusing, both to us, and to our partners.
And unless you can heal this conflict at its root, it will lead to ongoing fights, hurt, disconnection, dissatisfaction and breakups, even between women who truly love each other and are basically compatible.
This is tragic. And it doesn't have to be this way.
Whether you’re currently single or coupled, the Attachment Healing Intensive will teach you how to re-wire your brain for more resilience!
If you’re in a relationship, this will make your connection much easier – and if you’re currently single, it will help get you ready for a healthy,
connected, drama-free love relationship in the future.