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The Intelligent, Compassionate Learning Community For Lesbians++ 

Welcoming all self-identified women and adjacent non-binary people who love women or want to.  

 

Highway Out Of Hell:

Toxic Lesbian Relationship Recovery

First off, let's be clear: lesbians and queer women are courageous and powerful, 

and our relationships can be the very best relationships on the planet. 

We deserve happy, healthy love — and we can have it!

 

But lesbian relationships are intense, and sometimes that intensity turns toxic.

Even when you really love someone, you may not be a good match.

And not everyone is capable (yet) of a healthy relationship.  

 

If you've ever had a relationship with physical or emotional abuse,

threats of harm, or endless cycles of fighting and making up,

it can be really hard to:

1) Understand what actually happened,

2) Stop thinking about her and shift your focus back to yourself,

3) Harvest the lessons and then let go, 

4) Regain trust and faith in your own life and wisdom, and

5) Open yourself to healthy love in the future.  

 

You may be wondering: 

Where did I go wrong? What signs did I miss?

Did I cause or contribute to the toxic dynamic? 

Can I even trust my own perceptions?

Is my partner or ex a narcissist, or does she have Borderline Personality Disorder?

Could there ever be any hope for this relationship?

Is there any hope for me? 

 

The Highway Out Of Hell offers knowledgeable, rigorous, compassionate lesbian education and support to help you make sense of what happened,

and chart your path back toward health and wholeness.

Hear about our upcoming 7-week Highway Out Of Hell Healing Intensive below.

Early bird pricing for the course is good through October 13.

Class starts October 25. 

Watch the replay of the Gateway class below!

 

Highway Out Of Hell: 

Toxic Lesbian Relationship Recovery

A 7-Week Intensive  

🖤  

Fridays, 10:00-1:00 Pacific Time

October 25-December 13

Class dates:

October 25

November 1, 8, 15, 22,

December 6, 13

 

It's best to come live if you can, but all classes will be recorded. 

 

Whether you've ever emerged from, or are still struggling in, a relationship with verbal or physical abuse, threats of harm, cycles of fighting and breaking up, or just a lot of behavior that "doesn't make sense..." 

 

This 7-week class will help you break the silence, release the shame, understand your part, and get empowered and supported to actually heal. 

 

To our knowledge, this is the first and only class of its kind for our community. 

 

Here's what the 7-week Highway Out Of Hell Intensive will cover:   

  • Why lesbian relationships can become toxic, and why a toxic relationship can hook you, keep you going back for more, trying and hoping, going into denial or fantasy, feeling guilty for leaving or feeling desperate not to be left.
  • Is your ex or current partner a narcissist? Does she have borderline personality traits or dissociative identity disorder (multiple personalities? Learn what these terms really mean, and whether they can help your healing. 
  • Why a relationship can become toxic even when neither person involved has narcissistic or borderline traits. 
  • If a relationship is toxic, does that mean there's no hope? Is there any chance the two of you can break the cycle and heal together?
  • How to leave safely, and how to equip yourself to handle the emotional and legal fallout. 
  • What healing really entails after a toxic or trauma-bonded relationship, and how you can get there. 
  • How to identify your specific vulnerabilities to toxic relationship dynamics, and become toxic-relationship-proof from now on, so you can regain your trust in yourself, other women, and love. 

Whether your toxic relationship is still going on, ended recently, or ended years ago, your heart deserves this. 

Early Bird Pricing until October 13th at $397. Pricing after October 13th will be at $497. Course starts October 25th.Early Bird Pricing until October 13th at $397. Pricing after October 13th will be at $497. Course starts October 25th.
Sign Up For The 7-Week Intensive A La Carte At Early-Bird Rates
Save Money And Get More Support By Joining Us As A Yearly Member

WANT TO TALK TO A LIVE PERSON? 

Start With A 30-Minute Strategy Session

For Just $49. 

Get a half hour with our Outreach Director, Jen Solin, to learn how the Academy can support your lesbian heart. 

Get Your Strategy Session

The Highway Out Of Hell

will change your life.

But yearly membership will support you even more. 

Ever feel like you've been wandering in the lesbian love wilderness without a map or guide? Exhausted by shattering breakups, heartbreaking divorce, chemistry-laden soul connections that crash and burn? There is a better way, and you'll learn it here. 

 

Membership includes these two best-selling courses, featured below, plus 50-100 other classes in our archives, and all our live courses offered throughout the year, and live weekly coach-led skill-building labs, and intimate group coaching with director Ruth Schwartz, for our Deep Dive members.

 

The Academy is a treasure trove of lesbian love support, based on neuroscience, attachment theory and lesbian-centric growth tools that have changed lives in 25+ countries around the world. 

Become a Member and Get It All

Participant Comments: 

 

"Wow, this gives me hope!"

 

"I just had another lightbulb moment." 

 

"Now I see the key to unlocking the whole thing. I can't believe how simple and obvious it seems, but I never got it before."

 

"I feel both tender, and so much more empowered."

  Four-Class Intensive Included Free For All Members  

Lesbian Communication

For Emotional Intimacy 

Speak So She Can Hear You

Listen So She Feels Heard

🖤

The wrong words can cause damage forever. Yet stuffing your emotions and staying silent causes damage, too. What to do?

 

Empower yourself with the knowledge you need.

 

1) The #1 mistake you probably make when bringing up hard things, and what to do instead. 

2) Why lesbians are famous for hours of "processing" that drains us and makes things worse, and how to avoid this trap.

3) How common truisms like "No is a complete sentence" get us into big trouble in important relationships, and how to communicate limits in ways that actually build connection.   

4) Why "asking for what you want" often makes the other person back away, and the approach that can change everything. 

5) How just "stating your truth" can cause disconnection, and how to speak so she can hear you and listen so she feels heard.  

6) Why the words you say matter less than the state you're in when you say them, and how to shift your state back to safety again. 

 

You can buy this class a la carte here, but joining as a member is a better deal and gives you so much more! Check out membership here.

"The Attachment class was the best class on relationships I have ever, ever been to -- and I've been through a lot of relationship training. I just saw with clarity the dynamics that went on in my relationship... and just hearing from all the women who've been on both sides... I've been recommending it to everyone, because it was so powerful. Now I feel way more equipped to enter into a new relationship." 

-- Cynthia Way

Founder, Lez Love Community 

"There are not even enough words to describe the impact of the attachment healing class…  I feel grateful to have this added insight about myself, and to belong to the CGA Village.

-- Marge Grossman

  Four-Class Intensive Included Free For All Members  

Lesbian Attachment Healing Intensive 

🖤

 

Learn why attachment wounding is at the root of most lesbian breakups -- and how to heal it. 

 

Attachment is your brain's blueprint for bonding and connection. We usually feel the strongest chemistry with people who have the opposite blueprint -- and a push-pull struggle results.

 

Let's take Jane and Lisa as an example. They were over the moon when they first fell in love, but now they're fighting. Jane wants more closeness and contact, texting, time together and affection -- while Lisa needs more space and alone time. 

 

Sometimes Lisa gets caught up in her work or hobbies and takes hours to respond to Jane's texts. Jane feels frustrated, hurt and wronged. And Lisa starts feeling overwhelmed by Jane's feelings and needs. Jane wants more time together, and Lisa finds herself backing away. They're starting to think they're incompatible.

 

The more Jane expresses her feelings and needs, the more suffocated Lisa feels. "I'm never enough for you," she says, while Jane retorts, "You're just scared of intimacy."  

 

Lisa and Jane both take each other's responses personally, but the truth is, this is the universal dance between someone in an anxious attachment state, and someone in an avoidant state. 

 

As time goes on, Jane feels increasingly unloved, while Lisa feels there's no room for her to be herself. They're  stuck in their attachment wounds, and it hurts like hell. 

 

Sound familiar? We've all been there, and whether you've been in the "Jane" role, the "Lisa" role, or some of each, this class will help you break through painful cycles, reconnect with your partner, or finally understand what happened with your ex.  

 

You can buy this class a la carte here, but joining as a member is a better deal and gives you so much more! Check out membership here.

 

Nicki Monahan

Certified Conscious Girlfriend Coach 

  Weekly Live Skills Love Lab Free For All Members 

Come practice the skills and conversations that will make all the difference in your dating and relationship life -- and connect with like-minded, growth-oriented, compassionate women.

 

Members Say:

I've been on a long journey searching for something this rich and meaningful and not finding...I honestly feel like I've come home.

-- Dori, Canada

 

I am definitely not the same woman who signed up for this three months ago! I feel such a blossoming, expanding, and emerging spirit now that I never would have thought I could ever feel about myself. -- C., Colorado

 

Learn more about our weekly live coach-led Skills Lab, free to all members, here.

Save Money And Get More Support By Joining Us As A Yearly Member
Sign Up For The 7-Week Intensive A La Carte At Early-Bird Rates
Early Bird Pricing until October 13th at $397. Pricing after October 13th will be at $497. Course starts October 25th.Early Bird Pricing until October 13th at $397. Pricing after October 13th will be at $497. Course starts October 25th.Early Bird Pricing until October 13th at $397. Pricing after October 13th will be at $497. Course starts October 25th.

Our Love Is Beautiful

Check Out Our Deep Dive Membership Here

NOT SURE WHAT TO CHOOSE? 

Start With A 30-Minute 1:1 Strategy Session

With Jen For Just $49. 

This half-hour live session will give you a chance to share more about where you've been and where you want to go, and learn how the Academy can support your lesbian heart. 

Get Your Strategy Session

Frequently Asked Questions  

What kinds of women and non-binary people join the Academy?

  • Members come from throughout the United States, as well as Canada, Europe, Mexico, Israel and elsewhere.
  • Members range in age from their 20s through their 80s. A majority are over 40.
  • Some members are actively dating, or getting ready to date. Others aren't sure whether or not they want a romantic relationship, but want more community and more skills. The Academy learning supports friendships and other non-romantic relationships, too. 
  • Many of our members have done a lot of personal growth work already; all are highly motivated to learn conscious lesbian dating and love skills.
  • Some members are newly coming out; others have been out for decades, and everything in between.
  • We are a warmly welcoming, intelligent and compassionate community for all self-identified women (and adjacent non-binary people) who love women, or want to! 

How will a monthly or yearly Academy membership help me change my love life? 

If you're like many of our members, you have a deep longing for a healthy, loving, trust-filled, supportive and passionate relationship, yet you're not sure how to find the right partner.

 

In Academy classes you'll learn how to create a vision for your ideal relationship -- and build the skills to co-create your half of it. You'll learn how to date with clarity and confidence, how to recognize real compatibility (and not get fooled by chemistry or limerence, the "honeymoon stage"), how to communicate in ways that build emotional intimacy, and how to have a fulfilling sex life, whatever that means for you.

 

Joining the Academy is like getting a gym membership for your romantic life! It gives you the community support and consistent education and practice you need, to become able to have the love life you want.

 

And just like a gym membership, your best benefits will come through consistency. Many members continue to attend even once they are in relationships, because they find the Academy supports their love lives then, too.

Can I just buy the classes I want, instead of joining the Academy? 

Yes! We sell all of our four-week classes a la carte. We also offer the option for you to add on a month of membership when you buy a class a la carte, so you can check it out. But honestly, the most transformation happens for those who sign up to join us for a year, and we offer deep discounts and additional perks for yearly members.

 

The Academy exists to help you gain and integrate the knowledge and skills to change your love life forever. That's an incredibly important and achievable goal, but it usually takes more than just watching a few classes to make it happen. It takes ongoing mentorship, support and practice -- and that's what you'll get by becoming a member.

 

We recommend joining the Academy for a year because:

 

1) You get a big discount doing it that way.

 

2) Paying up front will motivate you to come to as many classes as you actually need, without having to second-guess yourself about each one. The per-class cost is incredibly low when you sign up for a year -- just like at a gym.

 

3) Getting to know other members will be a big help in creating the love life you actually want. It's hard to do alone, and much easier when you're connected to like-minded women on similar journeys. As an added bonus, many Academy members form deep friendships. And yes, a few have fallen in love :)

I've already done years of therapy and/or other personal growth work. How will the Academy be different?  

Some people have described the Academy as being "like therapy on steroids." While one-on-work work can be very valuable, it's entirely different to be in a group of like-minded women and non-binary people facing similar challenges. We hear over and over, "It helps so much to know I'm not alone." Plus, hearing other members describe your patterns -- or your partner's or ex's patterns -- brings whole new levels of insight.

 

There are tons of personal growth, dating and relationship healing programs out there, but almost none of them address the unique needs of lesbians and adjacent queer people. We are just like everyone else, but we are also different. Lesbians++ face particular challenges and opportunities in dating and love that are, quite frankly, very different from those faced by heterosexual people or gay men. The Academy is a unique international feel-tank and think-tank offering evidence-based tools... for us.

 

If you've done a lot of growth work already, you'll be right at home. Many of our members have done therapy, 12-step work, Landmark, and/or other types of spiritual and healing work. (Quite a few of our members are therapists, coaches, or healers themselves.) Other Academy members are newer to the personal growth journey. But all tend to share the motivation to get out of pain, and become able to have the dating and love lives they deeply want.

 

The other unique gift of the Academy is that in our weekly Skills Labs, you don't just get to learn, you get to actually practice what you learn. Role plays, anyone? Practice asking someone out... saying No... asking for what you want... sharing feelings in healthy ways... working with your own triggers... and much more, in supportive, compassionate, lesbian/queer community.  

Do you offer private coaching? 

Yes! We've got Conscious Girlfriend Certified Coaches! Check them out here. CGA coaches have received the world's best training in the particular challenges of lesbian coming out, lesbian dating, lesbian relationships, lesbian attachment, lesbian sex and lesbian breakups -- and their support is very powerful. We absolutely recommend you work with one of them if you can, to accelerate your journey. 

 

However, unless your money and time are unlimited, we strongly encourage you to join the Academy too. Our classes cover life-changing information in a more budget-friendly way, and give you the benefit of getting to actually hear from like-minded women++, develop community and practice skills, as well as get group coaching. 

Why are your prices so high / Why are your prices so low?

ome people think our prices are high because they have never seen a program like ours before (because, to our knowledge, one has never existed!) So it's hard to know exactly what to compare it to.

 

Other people think our prices are astonishingly low for what we offer:

  • Basic Membership includes 36 live classes, 52 coach-led skills labs, and access to 40+ videos in the world's biggest lesbian dating, love and sexuality on-demand class library. 
  • Deep-Dive Membership includes 40+ additional on-demand classes, plus 36 live group coaching sessions with Academy Director Ruth Schwartz. 

It's far cheaper than individual therapy (though not a replacement for it.) It's also far cheaper than most breakups, much less most divorces. And, it's hard to put a price on $$ saved through lack of heartbreak.

 

Still, we know that some people who want this learning and support simply can't afford it. That's why we also offer many resources completely free.  

Do you offer scholarships or discounts? 

Yes! We've offered a huge amount of scholarship aid during our first four years of existence. Here is our scholarship policy as of May 1:

 

BIPOC (lesbians and queer people who have lived experience as Black, Indigenous or People of Color, including Asian or Latinx), can get up to 75% off on our coach training programs, Basic and Deep-Dive Memberships.  To apply, just write us at [email protected].

 

We are also glad to provide scholarship assistance to non-BIPOC people. To apply, please do the following:

  1. First, please go through our free resources on this page, and take notes in whatever way works for you, so you can really integrate the learning. 
  2. Then, please send us a letter, video or audio file with those notes. We want to know what you've learned from our free resources! And, also please let us know what assistance you'd need to make our Basic Membership affordable for you.
  3. We also ask that you consider what other forms of energy exchange you could offer us. If you have a special skill you could offer us on a volunteer basis, let us know! Or, could you promote the Academy to potential paying members? Can you talk with your local LGBTQ center about our work? Do you have social media accounts on which you could share information about us?

Once we see that you are motivated and sincere, we'll gladly work with you to get you into our programs.  

     We Exist To Support Lesbian & Queer Love.

The happy, healthy relationship you want is possible. It just takes learning how. 

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The crucial info you need so you can break the bad relationship cycle forever, and find lasting love.

Relationships between women can be the best relationships on the planet. But they often end in heartbreak instead. Learn why many lesbian relationships don't last, and exactly how you can find the right partner and keep your love strong.

 

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