Best Dating Apps for Lesbians Over 40: Finding Love, Not Just Swipes

Dating over 40 as a lesbian or queer woman can be both empowering and overwhelming. Maybe you’re newly out, re-entering the dating world after a breakup, or just tired of feeling invisible on apps that cater to a younger, straight audience. The good news? You're not alone—and there are dating apps that can actually help you find meaningful connection.

At the Conscious Girlfriend Academy, we’ve helped many lesbians in their 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s and even 80s get ready to find love. Our membership program can give you the support you need, even if it's been many years or even decades since you dated, and even if you've never had a lesbian relationship, or a healthy lesbian relationship, before.

One of our students, Bonnie, had been single for almost two decades, and enrolled at 80 against the advice of her family and friends, who all told her, “It’s too late for you. Give it up.” 

But Bonnie knew better. She spent a year in the Academy and learned the emotional intelligence skills that she’d never had. She learned to define her relationship vision, and ask the kinds of questions that would help her identify real compatibility. She learned why instant chemistry could mislead her, and what to look for instead – and how to use the apps wisely.

Bonnie’s effort paid off! She "graduated" from Conscious Girlfriend Academy and spent about 8 months dating, and then met Cheryl, age 69. Two years later, Cheryl proposed to Bonnie on top of the Eiffel Tower (it was her first trip to Paris!) They got married the next spring, when Bonnie was 82.  

Bonnie wrote me her story in an email because, as she said, “It might give your senior searchers some hope.” The thing is, many people hope blindly. They long for the bolt of lightning, love-at-first-sight, walking off into the sunset hand in hand experience – but they’re not actually ready to navigate the real-life relationship challenges that come up. 

That’s why we believe in helping women prepare for their online dating experience. Online dating can be disheartening, overwhelming, or even unsafe if you’re not ready to navigate it. It can also be a God- or Goddess-given gift to lesbians, as far as we’re concerned. Lesbian online dating can even be a powerful spiritual practice. Check out our intensive online dating course here. 

Here are some good apps for lesbians over 40 who are ready for authentic connection.

1. HER – Inclusive and Community-Focused
 

Why it's great: HER is designed by and for LGBTQ+ women and nonbinary people. It’s one of the few platforms that centers queer women and offers both dating and community-building features.
 

Pros:

• Feels like a real community, not just a swipe machine
• Events and group features can help ease you in gently
• Inclusive of trans and nonbinary people

Cautions: The age range skews younger, but there are plenty of over-40s—you just have to look.

2. OkCupid – Depth Over Flash

Why it's great: OkCupid’s robust profiles and thoughtful matching questions make it ideal for women who want substance over surface.

Pros:

• You can state exactly what you're looking for
• Inclusive gender and orientation options
• Great filters for finding compatible people

Cautions: Be prepared to wade through some mismatches—but if you’re clear and consistent, it can be a goldmine.

3. Match.com – A Classic, Especially for 40+

Why it's great: Although not queer-specific, Match has a large population of users over 40 and a more relationship-oriented focus.

Pros:

• Appeals to women serious about finding long-term love
• Allows detailed profiles and intentional matching

Cautions: Less queer community vibe—but it can work if you live in a region with an active LGBTQ+ population.

4. Facebook Dating – Surprisingly Useful

Why it's great: Facebook Dating pulls from your real social world, which can make it feel more grounded and less anonymous.

Pros:

• Familiar interface
• Connects you with people who may already have mutual friends or shared communities

Cautions: Limited visibility and search options; not LGBTQ+-specific, so use with care.

5. Lex

Why it's great: Lex is text-based, inspired by old-school personal ads. It's especially appealing if you're looking for thoughtful, creative, intentional women.

Pros:

• Prioritizes depth and personality
• Popular with gender-diverse and creative queer communities

Cautions: May be better for connections and friendships in some areas than romantic matches—but worth exploring.

What Matters More Than the App?

No matter which app you use, what really matters is how you use it. At Conscious Girlfriend Academy, we teach that finding love is about combining discernment with open-heartedness. It's about knowing your must-haves and deal-breakers, pacing your process, and avoiding the common traps of attraction and limerence.

You're not too old. It’s not too late. The philosophy we teach is that you’ve got to write and post your profile, because someone out there is waiting to have you light up her life – and she needs to be able to find you! Right at this very moment, as you read this, she is somewhere, wishing, hoping, getting ready… to meet you.

If you’re not quite ready to take the step of posting a profile, you can take an easier step: reach out to us for a 1:1 consult to learn more about how we can support you.