At some point - maybe recently, maybe a while ago - you’ve found yourself wondering: Am I a lesbian? Maybe the question whispered  in your mind during a conversation with a friend, or maybe it hit like a bolt of lightning after an unexpected surge of attraction. Maybe you’ve even taken an “Am I a lesbian?” quiz online - maybe more than once. If so, welcome. You’re not alone.

I’ve worked with so many women who’ve asked this question, feeling  unsure, curious, terrified, excited. And often, one of the gentlest first steps is taking a quiz - not for the final answer, but for help thinking about what the question even means...

So, what does it mean to take a quiz like this? And what happens after? Especially if you’re considering - or already navigating - your first lesbian experience, let’s explore together.

Understanding the "Am I a Lesbian?" Quiz
 

What Does This Quiz Measure?

Let’s get this out of the way first: a quiz won’t tell you definitively whether you’re a lesbian. But it can help you pause and listen. A good “how to tell if you’re a lesbian” quiz isn’t about labeling you - it’s about reflection. It asks things you may have been too afraid or too unsure to say out loud.

Questions like:

• Do I feel emotionally fulfilled with men?

• When I imagine being with a woman, does something in me exhale?

Those little yeses - or even maybes - can be important. They’re often the beginning of understanding what you’ve always known, deep down.

The Role of Self-Exploration in Sexual Identity

Sexual identity is rarely a straight line. (Pun slightly intended.) For many women, especially those coming out later in life, identity isn’t something you decide - it’s something you uncover.

That’s why taking a lesbian test or quiz can be so helpful. It gives you a language, a starting place. And if it stirs up more questions than answers? That’s a good sign. Self-discovery is working.

First Time Lesbian Advice: What If You’re Still Unsure?

Signs You Might Be a Lesbian

This part can feel both thrilling and deeply confusing. One client once told me, “I thought everyone felt this way about women - turns out, no.”

Some common signs of first same-sex attraction or early identity realization:

• You feel emotionally or physically pulled toward women, not just in admiration.

• Heterosexual relationships have always felt slightly off, like something essential was missing.

• You catch yourself replaying interactions with women in your mind…wondering, was that just a friend crush?

None of these signs are definitive. But they matter. They’re breadcrumbs on the trail of your own truth.

Overcoming Doubts and Internalized Beliefs

Here’s something important: doubt does not cancel out identity. Neither does fear, or even attraction to men...

Being a lesbian means being a woman who prefers relationships with women, not necessarily someone with zero interest in men.

 
We live in a world saturated with heteronormativity - where women are praised for being desirable to men, where lesbian stories are often hidden or sensationalized. It’s no wonder so many women feel like they need permission to explore who they really are.

You have that permission now. You always did.

Coming Out: When and How to Share Your Identity

Finding a Safe Space for Self-Expression

Coming out doesn’t have to be dramatic or public. For many women, especially those joining a coming out later in life support group, it begins quietly - with a journal, a coach, a trusted friend, and then moves on to sharing space with compassionate like-minded women on a similar journey.

Having community matters! The Conscious Girlfriend Academy is filled with women who can understand exactly what you’re going through, and share both their own journeys, and the answers they’ve lived their way into. There’s  even  a course called Coming Out & Coming Home, where you can participate live, or watch the replays later.
 

Tips for Talking to Friends and Family

You don’t owe your story to everyone. But you do deserve to be seen. Start with those who’ve already shown you they can handle your vulnerability. And when you talk, speak from your own experience - no need to defend or explain.

People may surprise you with their openness. Others may be more closed. . That’s part of the journey, too. But none of it takes away from the truth of who you are.

Navigating Your First Lesbian Experience

Emotional & Physical Readiness

If you’re about to enter your first lesbian experience, it’s okay to feel everything - nervous, giddy, unsure. I always tell women: you don’t need to be 100% certain to be ready for something new. You just need to feel safe enough to explore.

Check in with yourself. Is this someone you trust? Do you feel curious and open, not pressured or afraid? That’s more important than labels.

Exploring Without Pressure

Sometimes women imagine having some drinks and just getting it over with. It’s natural to be nervous, but your first lesbian experience deserves more presence than that! Most of us lost our virginity with men under less-than-ideal conditions, often without much pleasure or connection. So, your first lesbian experience gives you a chance for a major do-over.

Often, someone’s first lesbian experience happens with someone else who is also having her first experience. This can be particularly tender, because neither one of you “knows what she’s doing,” and you don’t have to. Try dimming the lights, admitting your anxiety, and then just discovering each other’s bodies without being attached to any particular outcome. 

Other times, a first lesbian experience happens between a newbie and an experienced lesbian. But just because someone’s been with other women, that doesn’t mean she’s sexually confident – and just because you haven’t, it doesn’t mean you won’t be creative! Being present, attuned and curious is really the ticket to lesbian sex, regardless of experience. 

Personally, I think lesbian newbies have an advantage in bed because you don’t think you know what you’re doing – which leaves you truly open to the person you’re with. Every woman is different. Every time is different. And that’s how it should be! 

It also helps to know that your identity doesn’t hinge on one kiss or one night. Maybe you date a woman and feel confirmation. Maybe you don’t, and you feel even more questions. That’s okay. Just as you wouldn’t be attracted to or sexually compatible with all men, the same is true with women.

Next Steps: Resources for Further Exploration

Books, Podcasts, and Online Communities

Because LGBTQ+ identities and experience are not mainstream, we need and benefit from representations of our lives in books, podcasts and online forums. It’s deeply comforting to know you’re not alone, and also inspiring to hear how others have dealt with the challenges in their own coming out processes.  You might start with these carefully curated resources: 

General writing and videos about coming out, and what new lesbians need to know

https://www.consciousgirlfriendacademy.com/comingout 

Great resources to help you get started on understanding lesbian/queer gender:
https://www.consciousgirlfriendacademy.com/lesbian-and-queer-gender

Tons of thoughtful free videos on many different aspects of lesbian and bisexual life:
https://www.youtube.com/@consciousgirlfriendacademy

A treasure trove of classes available for purchase about lesbian dating, relationships and sex https://www.consciousgirlfriendacademy.com/on-demand

Courses, Skill-Building & Group Coaching for Lesbians and Queer Women

Conscious Girlfriend Academy’s community is world-class – and in fact, comes from all over the world. Since our groundbreaking book Conscious Lesbian Dating & Love came out in 2015, women from 25 countries have taken our classes, and improved their lives. 

If you’re just coming out, or even just trying on coming out, one of the best things about the Academy is that you’ll have a chance to interact with people across the entire lesbian/queer spectrum – from those in a place similar to yours, to those who’ve been out for decades. No question is ever too “dumb,” and our hearts are open. 

Live Zoom classes give you the information you need right now in a uniquely engaging format. Buddies and buddy groups help you build friendships, and deepen the learning. Weekly skill-building labs give you a chance to actually practice what you’ve been learning. Our vast on-demand archives let you go back and watch over 100 classes on lesbian dating, relationships and sex. And, we also offer group coaching to turbo-charge your journey – or you can work with one of our coaches 1:1 for an extra fee.  

Now You’re Ready to Take the Test

So, if you’re still wondering, still carrying that quiet question, “Am I A Lesbian?” inside, this quiz might be your  next small, brave step.

Take the “Am I a Lesbian?” quiz here. Let it be a mirror, not a conclusion set in stone. Let it spark insight, not pressure. Let it open the door a little wider to knowing yourself as you really are. 

1. If you could choose a long-term partner, would you prefer them to be a woman?

• Absolutely, without hesitation.

• I could see myself with either gender.

• I'm unsure about it.

• I’d lean toward men, but I don’t dislike women.

• No, I can only see myself with a man.

2. Do you experience romantic emotions toward women?

• Yes, I feel a strong romantic connection to women.

• Sometimes, but I also feel the same for men.

• I’ve had moments of feeling something, but I’m not sure.

• Not really, I only see women as friends.

• No, I only experience romantic feelings for men.

3. Have you ever questioned your sexual orientation?

• Yes, and I believe I might be a lesbian.

• Yes, and I think I may be bisexual.

• Yes, but I still feel uncertain.

• Rarely, I usually feel confident in my orientation.

• No, I’ve always been sure that I’m straight.

4. How do you feel about being physically intimate with a woman?

• That’s exactly what I want.

• I can imagine it, but I also feel drawn to men.

• I’ve thought about it, but I’m unsure.

• Not really, I feel more comfortable with men.

• No, I only desire intimacy with men.

5. If a woman flirted with you, how would you react?

• Excited and hopeful.

• Happy, but unsure of what I want.

• Curious, but a little hesitant.

• A bit uncomfortable, but I’d remain polite.

• Not interested at all.

6. Have you ever felt uncertain or uninterested in dating men?

• Yes, I don’t feel attracted to them at all.

• Sometimes, but I still have some attraction.

• I feel neutral about it.

• I like dating men but have had occasional doubts.

• No, I fully enjoy dating men.

7. When watching movies, do you find yourself romantically or sexually drawn to female characters?

• Almost always.

• Frequently, but also to male characters.

• Sometimes, but I’m unsure.

• Rarely, and only in a platonic way.

• Never, I’m only attracted to men.

8. Have you ever had a crush on a woman?

• Many times, and the feelings were real.

• Occasionally, but I also like men.

• Once or twice, but I felt confused.

• Just minor admiration, nothing deep.

• Never, I only develop crushes on men.

9. How do you feel about the idea of being in a romantic relationship with a woman?

• That’s what I truly want.

• I’d enjoy it, but I’d also consider relationships with men.

• I might be open to it, but I feel uncertain.

• I’d prefer a relationship with a man.

• I have no romantic interest in women.

10. How do you feel when you see an attractive woman?

• Intense romantic and sexual attraction.

• Strong attraction, but not always romantic.

• Curious, but unsure if it’s attraction.

• I can recognize beauty, but I don’t feel drawn to them.

• No attraction at all.

In Closing

Exploring your sexual identity, whether through a quiz, a crush, a conversation, or an online event in the Conscious Girlfriend Academy,  is courageous. Especially if you’re navigating your first lesbian experience or unpacking years of doubt.

You don’t have to rush. You don’t have to prove anything. You’re allowed to question, to hope, to wonder – and to embrace all the parts of yourself. 

And if you need a place to land, we’re right here, with so many other women and non-binary people walking this same path.

You're not alone. You're discovering. And that's beautiful.