As the U.S. debates birthright citizenship, it's gotten me thinking about the lesbian/queer nation. Almost none of us had lesbian/queer parents, so we've had to acquire our "citizenship," our sense of lesbian/queer community and

belonging, in other ways.

Some of us identify as "born this way," and had the miraculous fortitude to be able to live our truth from the beginning. If that's you, you always knew you were a girl who liked girls. You were never attracted to boys, and you managed to withstand the overwhelming social pressure to act as if you were, or to have sex with them or partner with them. 

Congrats! You're what we call a "Gold Star" citizen of Lesbian/Queer Nation, and we love you for it. 

But guess what? We would have a very, very small nation, and to my mind a boringly monochromatic one, if Gold Star lesbians were the only rightful citizens of Lesbian/Queer Nation. 

I myself wouldn't be a citizen under those rules (even though I run a leading global lesbian/queer organization.)

Neither would most of the other brave souls in the Conscious Girlfriend Academy.

So we need lots of other stars!

Stars for those who fell in love with one man, or maybe a few men, before realizing they'd rather be with women.

...Stars for those who never liked men's equipment, but endured sex with men for a long time because it was terrifying to imagine being outcast from their families, their religions, their economic safety, their culture—or because they wanted to be mothers, and couldn't see another path at the time. 

...Stars for those of us who like men and their equipment just fine, but find themselves more drawn to women...either all the time and forever, or some of the time. Yay for bisexual, pansexual or queer stars in our firmament! 

...And big, BIG, beautiful stars for everyone who realizes at age 40, 50, 60, 70 or even 80 that her true desire now is to be with a woman -- whether it always was, but she hid it from herself, or her desires have changed as she learned more about herself and life, and as the world changed around her.

We all get stars!

...Stars for those who grew up thinking of themselves as women, but later realized they didn't really feel like women—but didn't feel like men either. Those brave souls who in past decades might have called themselves butches or studs (and might still!) but also might now resonate with newer terms like non-binary, or genderqueer, or using they/them pronouns, or some other way of referencing gender. 

...Stars for those who grew up being told they were boys, but knew inside, or later realized, that they were really girls who liked other girls -- and then went through a long, arduous, terrifying process of coming out to themselves.  

...More stars for those who think they may be bisexual or lesbians even though they've never yet been with a woman. Y'all are my people too!

Personally, this is the only kind of Lesbian/Queer Nation I fit into, and the only kind I want to live in -- a nation that truly does have liberty and justice, and acceptance and appreciation, for all. 

And guess what? If you, too, resonate with this image of a Lesbian/Queer Nation full of stars of all colors, you're welcome in my nation! 

"Will the lesbian community accept me as a late bloomer?" women sometimes ask me with fear in their voices.

"Are lesbians even willing to date those of us who are later in life lesbians?" 

"Can I still be a lesbian if I haven't yet had my first lesbian experience?" 

"How can I know for sure? Do I have to take the 'am I a lesbian quiz' or something?"

Questions like these break my heart, but they also open my  heart. I don't want anybody else to have to spend late nights Googling "how to have my first lesbian experience," or "will the lesbian community accept me," or "will lesbians date later in life lesbians," or "is it too late for me to be a lesbian," or "how to take the 'am I a lesbian' quiz." 

I want everyone to know you are welcome, exactly as you are, in your own perfect process—and there is a whole path of stars laid out before you, waiting for you to join your rightful, twinkling place among us. 

Who cares what anyone else says, or thinks? If you identify as part of the Lesbian/Queer Nation, you are part of it. We all get to create it together, and work together to make it the happiest, healthiest, most free, most conscious, most open-bordered nation on the planet, 'cuz that's what love is, and what love does. 

If you're currently in the process of coming out, or questioning—or if you came out awhile ago but are still getting oriented to this new land—we've got some great  resources for you, including a 4-week intensive, Coming Out & Coming Home. 

It's a place for you to share your journey with like-minded, open-hearted others...

Learn more about the complexity of sexual and romantic orientation, so you can better understand and accept yourself...

Learn more about lesbian/queer culture and lingo, so you can feel more at home...

And learn about the very specific challenges (and opportunities!) inherent in dating and loving women, so you can live your very best lesbian/queer life at any age, and

any stage of life.   

And the Conscious Girlfriend Academy is the place for you to learn what you need to know about your lesbian self.

Feel shy to just show up? Reach out to our Outreach Director, Jen, for a free get-to-know-you chat, to help you know if this is the right spot for you.

And/or, choose from the rainbow of options below.